April 22, 2016

The List: March 2016

I stole this survey from In Style's March 2016 magazine and likely will lift more in the coming months. I was the kind of person who reposted a survey in a bulletin every day back when MySpace was a thing. This is a kind of 2016 version of that.

Obviously, I'm in no way sponsored by In Style or anyone else for that matter. Sponsorships I would like though: Kraft Singles (I will promote THE FUCK out of you as the sole cheese that should ever be used in a grilled cheese, period), my second home TJ Maxx/Nordstrom Rack or the entire state of New Jersey. HMU.

West Elm book shelf bookcase nook styled
Major Splurge
West Elm's Nook Bookcases

Favorite Flowers
Peonies and hydragenas

YSL Rouge Volupte Silky Sensual Radiant Lipstick in #3
Always in my Bag
YSL Rouge Volupte Silky Sensual Radiant Lipstick in #3

Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Most Memorable Hotel
Palazzo Vechietti in Florence, Italy
This was not even a question that took any thought for me because I wanted to put down roots right in the hotel room. I could have become the Eloise of the Palazzo Vechietti.
My needs are few: Food (McDonald's chicken nuggets), Shelter (Palazzo Vechietti), Clothing (...Dior)
I took pictures of the ENTIRE HOTEL ROOM, like every god damn corner, because I wanted to remember the exact layout and structure. I feel pretty certain that I could live in that hotel room for the rest of my natural life. It was my dream studio apartment space.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Lavish, enormous bathroom with a roomy shower and an indulgent bathtub - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
 Lots of enclosed, hidden storage space - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Walk in closet with built ins - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Itsy bitsy kitchen with just enough space to perform basic, non cooking tasks like warming up microwaveable meals and making cups of tea - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
There's a huge bed, a couch, a table... what else do you need? Not to mention the bones of the place are a 16th century noble residence and the halls filled with things like wrought iron staircases and skylights and just a general You Are In A Movie aesthetic.

I live there in one of my Ideal Life Fantasies and just flit in and out all day, carrying in fresh flowers for the table from the market and new bags from the Dolce and Gabbana next door (THERE'S A DOLCE AND GABBANA. NEXT DOOR.) and walking <50 steps to the Piazza della Repubblica to meet up with an endless stream of Italian suitors for carb-y dinners. In this fantasy, as with all good fantasies, I have a very large income that comes from doing very little and a really great body even though I eat bread and cheese for every meal. I can also probably speak fluent Italian and have a very chic collection of Italian leather shoes but those details aren't totally hammered out yet.


DIY Makeup Hack
Put your eyelash curler inside your bra to warm it up before use for a more dramatic looking curl

Favorite Museum
Neue Galerie on 86th and 5th in New York 
It's located on the city's Museum Mile and is almost entirely filled with German and Austrian Expressionism which (if a gun was held to my head for an answer) is my favorite kind of art. It's usually a relatively quiet museum but had a line out the door during my most recent visit. I'm not sure if that had to do with this summer's Munch exhibit (fantastic) or the recent movie 'Woman in Gold' re: their collection's gem 'Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I' (above).

Even the museum itself is gorgeous - it's all inside this Louis XVIII style town home (read as: lavish, shiny black and white checkered floor, opulence abound) and most of the rooms have less of a gallery feel and more of a "I'm inside someone's actual house" feel - if it were a really, really rich someone's house.


I got these Klimt notebooks from the gift shop during my last visit which are almost too beautiful to sully up with any writing. Almost.

Steve Madden slip on sparkle sneakers
Always Pack
Slip on sneakers
Have you ever been through airport security in slip on sneakers? You probably have, you get it. I would say they make the whole process grotesquely easy but they don't whisper reminders to me about keeping liquids in <3oz containers out of my carry on luggage so I'm still always taking the time to get my bag inspected and my lotions thrown away by TSA agents. I'm obsessed with these Steve Madden slip ons, though. They're very well traveled because I wear them whenever I fly.
Steve Madden slip on sparkle sneakers

They've even been in the Pacific Ocean because I thought I could "forget" sneakers and prevent M from forcing me to go hiking when I visited her in San Diego - guess who ended up hiking in sparkly, rhinestone slip ons.
Steve Madden slip on sparkle sneakers

Michael Kors Camilla watch
Jewelry I Take Everywhere
Michael Kors' Camilla watch

Book I Never Tire Of
The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

Signature Scent 
Viktor and Rolf Flowerbomb
I tried out Tom Ford's Black Orchid for a full three days back in 2012 and forgot who I was, what I looked like, where I came from. I've been wearing this perfume since I was 20 and it's just a part of me now. You could put it as an identifying feature on my drivers license. 

Most Loved App
Snapchat
Have you guys heard of this cool new app yet?? Probably not!! I'm going to die if they ever get rid of that vinok filter.


Latest Discovery
Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara
I went to a heinous party the other month (direct quote from a girl after S put Britney’s Piece of Me on: “Oh my god, I just HAVE to change this, someone has terrible taste!” Like, what is it like to live in a world where you can never have fun?) and the only saving grace was that I asked a girl with AMAZING, ginormo, long and full eyelashes what kind of mascara she used. Too Faced Better Than Sex. It’s always Too Faced Better Than Sex when you ask someone that question. I bought Too Faced Better Than Sex so I could become the person who gets asked that question.

Style Icon
Aidriana La Cerva


Go To Lingerie Brand
Panache
I have just decided this very second that I fucking love Panache because I checked the labels of all my fave bras and they are literally all Panache. This survey is already revealing things that I didn't even know about myself.

You know that bra shopping is hell if you're bigger than a D cup because 97% of stores just straight up do not stock anything bigger than DD and even those bras looking like they're TRYING to be ugly. I don't have to tell you, you already know. Bra shopping is Mortal Enemy #1, even before button up shirts and cross body purses. Panache must have been founded by someone busty who Gets It and realizes that we have enough problems, what with trying to massage out all of our constant back knots and figuring out how to desexualize basic outfits for work, without worrying about bra shopping. Panache doesn't sell sizes smaller than a D cup on most of their retail sites and on top of that excels in making bras that don't look fugly or dowdy. They have lace and cute detailing and come in fun colors that aren't just sad muted tones + black/white/nude.


Their above line, Cleo by Panache, is especially cute. I own that red one but in a neon-y green which, as a color, is just unheard of for a G cup bra. They also make a sports bra that's universally recommended by people with fuller chests which is like the magnum opus of the bra world. Like, it has an underwire and adjustable straps and comes in actual sizes rather than XS-XL.
Panache 32g bras best lingerie brand
Their prices are kind of scary at ~$70 a pop per bra but that's life when you're rolling with a bigger size. Pro tip: Buy your bras from Nordstrom Rack if you're busty. I talk about my sick obsession with Nordstrom Rack all the time but it's amazing for bras outside the "NORMAL SIZES" range. I picked up two Panache bras last week for $18 each, marked down from the <$60 range, lacy and things that I'd absolutely buy full price. Like, not, "UGH, guess this will have to do" desperation buys. Nordstrom in general is a great place to find bigger bras and I generally just pick up a few during sales and never end up paying more than $45.

And if I can just toss this in? Size yourself. 

I wore a 34DD from the time my body finished creating my boobs until I was 24. The mind REELS over why bra sizes are marketed as a 32A-40DD only kind of deal and even more so over how we all just buy into it. WHAT THE FUCK? I always kind of knew deep down that my 34DD bras did not really fit but I felt powerless to do anything about it. Like, "Oh, this is definitely barely supporting me but also feels weirdly loose at the same time but guess this is just how the world works!" I don't even look back and feel bad about being that clueless because 80% of women aren't wearing the right size anyway. 

I don't even remember what made me so fed up that I measured myself accurately but I did one night using this calculator and came out with 32G after plugging all my measurements in. I told my boyfriend at the time and he literally laughed because that's not a size that sounds real. Any size outside of 32A - 40DD is either for pregnant women or made up for adult movies. I felt kind of like some kind of conspiracy theorist when I decided to go try on that size anyway. I distinctly remember feeling insanely self conscious when I walked into a Nordstrom and approached a salesgirl, thinking I was going to get laughed at for claiming to be that size. And she did - because she was like, "Uh, yeah, I can tell just looking at you in clothes as you stand before me that you are not a DD cup. At. All." She rounded up a bunch of 32G bras for me to try on and I left with three of them and almost in tears from happiness. I can't even tell you what a difference in feeling it is to go from wearing a bra that doesn't fit you to one that does. Your boobs are actually supported is the main thing and it's visible, even through clothes. Your posture looks better. You look thinner. Your back hurts a little less. It is magic. I urge you, if you have boobs, to use that calculator at the first possible opportunity and trust it. Even if you've always been a B cup and it's telling you you're a DD. Even if it's telling you your band size is a 28 and you have never heard of that band size outside of training bras. Just humor it and try on a few bras in that size. I'm an accurate bra size Truther at this point because it's so life changing. 

2 comments:

  1. Hi. I just wanted to say that your blog is the fucking best. I googled "light olive skin" because that's what I suspected I was (like you said, it's a cruel and deceitful process of finding out that you're actually olive-toned, rather than warm), and ended up going down the rabbit hole of all your blog posts from the past year or so. In a non-creepy way. Of course.
    Anywayyyyy...just wanted to say it's nice to see someone else with the same sense of humor and unforgivingly (is that a word?) blunt manner of speaking. Also your sense of style is something I respect. As a fellow Queen, just wanted to say, keep doing you! Because it's totally working :)
    Awesome blog.
    -Sara

    ReplyDelete
  2. SO glad to see you posting again! You are such a funny, talented writer.
    -Hannah

    ReplyDelete