November 9, 2013

Studs, Sequins and Sparkle Shoulders

Francesca's Collection sequin chevron skirt black silver

I went shopping last month and exclusively bought obnoxious, studded, sparkly things because I'm a parody of myself. All I ever do is make unpleasant comments and get really defensive about New Jersey and wear shimmery articles of clothing. More of the same, everyday, always.

Everything is from Francesca's Collection which is like a boutique type of store except it's in almost every suburban shopping mall in America. I spotted the first item, a chevron print black and silver sequin miniskirt at my hometown mall in Jersey about 2 weeks before I got it. I was minding my own business at Starbucks and it called to me from the window display about 100 feet away. I was pretty much speaking in tongues at the sight of it but didn't pull the trigger because 1. I'm pretty positive the store was closed and 2. sequined bottoms have burned me before. I bought a pair of black sequined shorts about 3 years ago and they made for a horrible going out experience. I'm not even going to pretend to have thigh gappy legs like most bloggers do (never stop forcing it, though! You look bow legged and it's always funny to laugh about) and do you know what touching thighs + scratchy, sequined fabric equals? I wouldn't even describe it as chafing because I had actual cuts on my inner thighs the next morning. Those shorts have sat in a drawer ever since because I obviously can't wear them until I have thousands of extraneous dollars for thigh reduction surgery and I'd hurt my feelings if I just threw them out like they were garbage. How can something so beautiful hurt you so deeply?

Francesca's Collection sequin chevron skirt black silver

However, I almost ran to this skirt the next time I was in the vicinity of a Francesca's. I can't help myself. I haven't worn it yet but I figure the sequins will be more cooperative since they're not wrapped around my inner thighs. My thighs can just scrape against each other all they want underneath the beautifully sequined exterior of the skirt. My boyfriend is also an obsessed Brooklyn Nets fan who is constantly going to games (how many regular season games have there been this season? Six? My boyfriend has seen the Nets play THREE times already, at Barclays once and in DC twice. About 4 rows behind the Nets bench too because it's not real unless you can count the sweat droplets on KG's head. I know about the goings on in the lives of the most minor Nets players more than I know about what my high school friends are doing. He lives for this team.) and I figured I could wear this skirt for those occasions. I can't bear to actually wear Nets apparel as a Celtics fan but I figure that something black, ostentatious and almost herringbone is supportive enough. Besides, who isn't trying to emulate Beyonce at basketball games? This skirt is my interpretation of her seven inch Swarovski crystal Louboutins. It's a loose interpretation.

Francesca's Collection studded leopard scarf

I was also insanely excited to find this leopard print, studded scarf at Francesca's. Mostly because I already owned it in gray.

Francesca's Collection studded leopard scarf

Can you blame me? I'm pretty picky about scarves. I like them to be almost tablecloth sized (the best scarf I have ever purchased is large enough to wrap around my neck and wear as a hood at the same time) and I can't stand the frayed ends that seemingly every scarf has. Tassles? Fine. That fine, stringy kind of fray on every edge? Get it away from me. I hate it. I like lightweight scarves like this to have closed seams on the edges and that's a lot harder to find than you'd think. So, an enormous scarf that's up to my strict specifications AND leopard print AND studded? Get them both.

Francesca's Collection navy studded rhinestone sweater chunky

Finally, I got this chunky knit navy blue sweater with iridescent rhinestone panels on the shoulders. I can pretty much go fuck myself for this one because it has the worst instructions known to man on the label - hand wash only. A fate worse than death. 

Here it is on. Please excuse the glamor of my bathroom and how my phone is so large that it's covering half my face. I'm in love with shoulder embellishments now. I feel like it's the only way I can be subtle - like, yes I'm wearing glitter nail polish and shimmer eyeshadow and using a bedazzled phone but do you see how I kept the rhinestones on my clothing confined to my shoulders? It's my demure look. Hopefully there will be more shoulder embellishments coming my way. The holiday season is sparkle season for amateurs so there's always an abudence of bejeweled clothing, bold jewelry and shimmery makeup for sale at the end of the year. Fingers crossed that I'll be able to scoop up more clothes like this to wear year round.

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