November 24, 2013
That shirt is also so ripped from the headlines circa 2005. Remember when Lindsay Lohan wore the Kitson one with that exact phrase on it to TRL after her break-up with Wilmer Valderrama? Remember Kitson? Remember TRL? Remember Wilmer Valderrama? I'm going to include a picture of Lindsay Lohan wearing it - that's a trigger warning so you don't get upset because the picture is from the Mean Girls/Ann Margaret era and it's very jarring to look at in the mugshot and fillers LiLo world we now live in:
It's only right for me to assume that the model in the Rebecca Minkoff photo above is also wearing platform sandals and that J-Kwon's musical masterpiece "Tipsy"* was playing during the photoshoot. I honestly wouldn't hate it if a mid 2000's revival was going to happen. I still have my Elle Woods inspired Tiffany chain link necklace, I'd be pretty pleased if Jessica Simpson re-released her Dessert beauty line and I'm still invested in Laguna Beach. I will not even complain about Paris Hilton posts clogging up OhNoTheyDidn't. Let me know.
*That song was included on a mix CD that was given out by some PTA group during my 8th grade graduation. I like to think they didn't listen to anything beyond the "Teen drinking is very bad..." opening line.
November 16, 2013
This is the story about a girl named Lucky.
I get most of my fashion inspiration from TV and the internet. It used to be TV almost exclusively because I was 16 at the time when Gossip Girl premiered. I was in love with Gossip Girl. Without a shred of irony, I feel that season 1 of Gossip Girl was good television. It was smart and filled with complex, three dimensional characters who you could relate to even though they were also wearing Balenciaga blazers just casually to school. It got aggressively terrible almost immediately when season 2 began but Gossip Girl was still pretty much the pinnacle of a television/fashion crossover. Remember wishing your school had uniforms so that you could pair a plaid skirt with a Nanette Lepore cardigan and not look like a try hard? Remember headbands? Everyone was wearing headbands in 2008 because everyone wanted to be Blair Waldorf (which was great for me because I'm a bitch myself and I was growing out some pretty hideous bangs at the time). I remember specific outfits from Gossip Girl and I'm sure other people do to. There was a pretty big sect of LiveJournal devoted to IDing all of Jenny's hats and Blair's headbands and coats and Serena's dresses so that you could buy them for yourself. I remember watching Gossip Girl and drooling over some of the clothes, frantically looking them up online and just staring at them longingly because I was a fat 16-year-old who couldn't afford or fit into Marc Jacobs dresses, no matter how discounted they were.
This purchase was truly, truly miraculous. It was a stroke of luck, the likes of which I never, ever have. I cannot emphasis this enough. I did not intend to shop today. I had a normal, run of the mill Friday and I was on my way home, a bit earlier than usual.
I take two buses home everyday because my apartment is in the boonies of DC. For the first leg of my trip I can take one of two buses depending on which one can pick me up first. One goes to my metro stop and the other goes to one of my favorite DC shopping areas. Usually, I browse some stores if I take the second bus option. I wasn't really in the mood for that today so I was cool with it when I saw the metro stop bus was arriving in a couple minutes. I arrived at my destination and checked out the schedules for my second bus - it would be 30+ minute wait for any of the 5+ buses that drop me off at or around my apartment. Nothing in the area was worth wasting my time, it's getting too cold to wait outside for any more than 5 minutes and there were literally FOUR buses waiting in a row to go in the opposite direction towards my favorite shopping area. Like, okay, don't twist my arm, I'll go shopping. I mean, I could wait at a bus stop in the dark and the cold or I could just walk onto one of four buses and walk around one of my favorite stores for a half hour until I could grab a bus home. Obvious choice. Even THEN, I was still feeling pretty meh about shopping. I'm planning on taking a day next weekend to shop the very same area. I didn't need anything. I figured I'd just get a leg up on Christmas shopping at Nordstrom Rack. Literally, in my brain I'm going, "Okay, I'll just browse for 20 minutes and maybe there will be something my sister or my boyfriend's mom would like." I was not even thinking about shopping for myself and I almost didn't even go to Nordstrom Rack. There are literally 8 other stores within this one city block that are all time, desert island favorites of mine. I almost went to Loehmann's instead because I've never been there, even once, and I've been kind of looking at it every time I'm in the area and thinking about going in. BUT, somehow, guided by a higher power almost, I went to Nordstrom Rack.
So, I go into Nordstrom Rack. Not intending to shop. Don't even set foot in the women's clothing section. I'm certainly not planning to dig through the racks. I rarely even do that as is. I look through the clothing racks probably 10% of the time I go to Nordstrom Rack and I never spend more than 5 minutes doing it. I'm just always looking in virtually any other section - shoes, bags, home goods, jewelry, pajamas, coats, the fucking baby section - you name it, I am there and not in the women's clothes. I hate shopping for clothes and buy almost everything I own from Forever 21's website or J Crew. I don't like to paw through racks of random clothing at Nordstrom Rack hoping to find something to fit my distorted body. So, today, a day when I am not intending on buying anything for myself? I just walked around the perimeter of the women's section. Just a brisk walk AROUND the women's clothes, on my way to the kid's department so I can do some Christmas shopping. That is when I saw this dress.
Flashback to the end of September: the show formerly known as Dexter was having its series finale. Don't even talk to me about the Dexter series finale. It was awful in so many ways. Dexter was unsalvagable since the season 4 finale. I was barely paying attention during the series finale. All that I was doing was making rude comments and pretty much leering at this dress that Yvonne Strahovski was wearing.
I basically shit myself over this dress. I have been loving shift dresses lately and I had never seen an ombre one, let alone a pink ombre one. I said outloud to my boyfriend that I loved that dress and immediately went to my computer to try and ID it. I haven't done that in years. It has been such a long, long time since I saw something on TV and just zoned in on it and yearned for it. I managed to find it online after a few days and knew it was hopeless when I saw that it was Diane Von Furstenberg. No, sorry, don't have $500 to spend on a dress. Not now, not ever. I think the bag she was carrying with it was Target brand so I just kind of frowned at the injustice of it all. Like, why couldn't the killer dress be Target and $50 and paired with a forgettable Diane Von Furstenberg bag? Because life sucks, I said to myself, that's why. And then I forgot about the amazing, amazingly expensive, orange/pink/white, ombre, shift dress.
This dress was also not my size. Not my size and had no price tag. I looked through the racks quickly, pretty much talking to myself the whole time, just being like, "HOW. HOW. IS THIS REAL LIFE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, NORDSTROM RACK?" and found that it was seemingly the only dress in the entire store. I didn't care that it was the wrong size or what it cost, that dress was mine and I was going home with it and sleeping with it like it was a security blanket. The size was still lucky, in my opinion - yeah, the dress is two sizes too big but what if it was two sizes too small? What if it was a 00 or something where I would just NEVER fit into it? Two sizes too big is something you can get altered. Nordstrom will even alter it. You just take it in two sizes. I would have never been able to get it if it was even a size too small without paying thousands of dollars for a breast reduction and hitting the gym like it owed me money. I would have had to leave the dress there and I would have been devastated. I never get over things. My friends make fun of me all the time because I'm still pissed at this kid who presented the same animal adaptation project as I did before me and took all the credit for it... in the fourth grade. I would have never been able to move on. Instead, I bought the dress and hopefully can just pay a few dollars to take it in. Small price to pay for getting a Diane Von Furstenberg dress I coveted for 1/5th the price.
The funniest part of this is that my boyfriend got insanely lucky with a purchase not even 24 hours before this happened. He randomly ended up at a store he wasn't intending to go to that day and through a casual conversation ended up reserving the last PlayStation 4 that they had and did it seconds before someone came in asking for it. Insanely lucky for him because he's the biggest gamer there is (has played 3 different video games since I began typing this post) yet hadn't preordered this new console and had been planning on waking up at 4AM and driving around to find one. He told that story and VERBATIM I said, "You're so lucky, stuff like that has never happened to me" AND IT HAPPENS LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER. I see a dress on a show I didn't even want to be watching anymore, fall in love with it, think I'll never be able to own it and then find it in the luckiest way possible 2 months later. It's only available on net-a-porter and for it's full $450 price and I found it for less than half that, purely by chance, last one in the store. This dress needed me. There is no other explanation.
Sadly, the dress does not come with Yvonne Strahovski's body to wear it with. She's one of those people like Mila Kunis who is 1200% Slavic and makes me mad that my Slavic genetics didn't create something nearly as gorgeous facewise. Just universally attractive, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation or whether you're blind or have 20/20 vision.
I suppose I'll live but only for the sake of my new Diane Von Furstenberg dress.
November 13, 2013
I've been looking for a miniature wallet for a while with two stipulations - a window for my SmartTrip card and a key ring. I had been keeping my SmartTrip in my purse pockets which was a problem whenever I decided to switch bags. I ended up with a bus pulling up just as I realized my card was in the wrong bag once and once was enough for me. I also wanted the key ring for consolidation - just one item I could potentially grab and go out the door with knowing it would have my keys, my SmartTrip, my debit card and license. This never happens to me because I always cram as much as possible into my purse* and feel panicked if I have to leave home without something I could potentially need, like 20 different colored pens or 5 lip products. One day, maybe.
My solution came in the form of the Rebecca Minkoff Molly Metro Holder. Rebecca Minkoff is a fairly new handbag designer who has kind of exploded in popularity in the past two years, mostly due to YouTube beauty gurus flashing her bags in every other video. The popularity is for a good reason - her designs are cute without being fussy and kind of come across as trendy and classic at the same time. You've probably seen the ubiquitous Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Clutch at some point:
I troll the Rebecca Minkoff website on a monthly basis to see if there's any new colors or designs that I love and came across something I actually needed instead. Behold, the Molly Metro Holder, a wallet specifically made to grant easy access to your subway or bus pass.
|LOOK AT THAT FAT STACK OF CAAAASH. It's like $23 and I just bought Chinese food with it, don't worry about it.|
My only complaint is the material - it's a textured plasticy feeling leather instead the buttery soft leather you kind of expect when you're paying for a designer name. It kind of worked in my favor because I'm constantly throwing this wallet into my purse, jamming it into my coat pockets, tossing it into puddles of beer on the bar and just generally being rough with it. A soft leather wallet would have stains, scratches and pen marks all over it by now. This little guy is durable.
My one true complaint is that I didn't see that it came in this color before purchasing my reddish brown version:
It even has a blue leopard print interior. Couldn't I just kill myself? I had to be all mature and pick out a wine color instead of holding out for a metallic rose gold. I am the worst.
*A doorman at a bar literally said, "Girl, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" when he checked my bag the other weekend and saw I had about 7 individual packets of crackers in there. Whatever.
November 9, 2013
I went shopping last month and exclusively bought obnoxious, studded, sparkly things because I'm a parody of myself. All I ever do is make unpleasant comments and get really defensive about New Jersey and wear shimmery articles of clothing. More of the same, everyday, always.
Everything is from Francesca's Collection which is like a boutique type of store except it's in almost every suburban shopping mall in America. I spotted the first item, a chevron print black and silver sequin miniskirt at my hometown mall in Jersey about 2 weeks before I got it. I was minding my own business at Starbucks and it called to me from the window display about 100 feet away. I was pretty much speaking in tongues at the sight of it but didn't pull the trigger because 1. I'm pretty positive the store was closed and 2. sequined bottoms have burned me before. I bought a pair of black sequined shorts about 3 years ago and they made for a horrible going out experience. I'm not even going to pretend to have thigh gappy legs like most bloggers do (never stop forcing it, though! You look bow legged and it's always funny to laugh about) and do you know what touching thighs + scratchy, sequined fabric equals? I wouldn't even describe it as chafing because I had actual cuts on my inner thighs the next morning. Those shorts have sat in a drawer ever since because I obviously can't wear them until I have thousands of extraneous dollars for thigh reduction surgery and I'd hurt my feelings if I just threw them out like they were garbage. How can something so beautiful hurt you so deeply?
However, I almost ran to this skirt the next time I was in the vicinity of a Francesca's. I can't help myself. I haven't worn it yet but I figure the sequins will be more cooperative since they're not wrapped around my inner thighs. My thighs can just scrape against each other all they want underneath the beautifully sequined exterior of the skirt. My boyfriend is also an obsessed Brooklyn Nets fan who is constantly going to games (how many regular season games have there been this season? Six? My boyfriend has seen the Nets play THREE times already, at Barclays once and in DC twice. About 4 rows behind the Nets bench too because it's not real unless you can count the sweat droplets on KG's head. I know about the goings on in the lives of the most minor Nets players more than I know about what my high school friends are doing. He lives for this team.) and I figured I could wear this skirt for those occasions. I can't bear to actually wear Nets apparel as a Celtics fan but I figure that something black, ostentatious and almost herringbone is supportive enough. Besides, who isn't trying to emulate Beyonce at basketball games? This skirt is my interpretation of her seven inch Swarovski crystal Louboutins. It's a loose interpretation.
I was also insanely excited to find this leopard print, studded scarf at Francesca's. Mostly because I already owned it in gray.
Can you blame me? I'm pretty picky about scarves. I like them to be almost tablecloth sized (the best scarf I have ever purchased is large enough to wrap around my neck and wear as a hood at the same time) and I can't stand the frayed ends that seemingly every scarf has. Tassles? Fine. That fine, stringy kind of fray on every edge? Get it away from me. I hate it. I like lightweight scarves like this to have closed seams on the edges and that's a lot harder to find than you'd think. So, an enormous scarf that's up to my strict specifications AND leopard print AND studded? Get them both.
Finally, I got this chunky knit navy blue sweater with iridescent rhinestone panels on the shoulders. I can pretty much go fuck myself for this one because it has the worst instructions known to man on the label - hand wash only. A fate worse than death.
Here it is on. Please excuse the glamor of my bathroom and how my phone is so large that it's covering half my face. I'm in love with shoulder embellishments now. I feel like it's the only way I can be subtle - like, yes I'm wearing glitter nail polish and shimmer eyeshadow and using a bedazzled phone but do you see how I kept the rhinestones on my clothing confined to my shoulders? It's my demure look. Hopefully there will be more shoulder embellishments coming my way. The holiday season is sparkle season for amateurs so there's always an abudence of bejeweled clothing, bold jewelry and shimmery makeup for sale at the end of the year. Fingers crossed that I'll be able to scoop up more clothes like this to wear year round.
November 8, 2013
Knock Knock is kind of a niche stationary company. You've probably see their sticky notes and notepads in gift shops. They make a lot of joke lists that are fun to laugh about in a store but has the kind of novelty that isn't always worth $6 and tax.
I was kind of skeptical when I first got this version of their notepad. It's a surprisingly thorough little checklist pad that's meant to be used as a grocery list. The pad comes with a magnet attached to the back so you can stick it to your fridge. Food and household items are sorted by category with some extra lines for your wacky write ins. I thought I'd just stick it to the fridge, use it twice and that it would kind of languish there afterwards. At the end of the day, you can just write a grocery list with a pen and paper like a normal person. Or nag your roommate or significant other about how you're out of toilet paper or hand soap and have a fight about it after they forget for the 10 MILLIONTH TIME, IT'S LIKE THEY'RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE! IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME THEN YOU'D REMEMBER!
How wrong was I? I've had this for 2.5 months and I have no idea how I lived without it. It's genius. Open your fridge and see there's no butter left? Your checklist is staring you in the face from the freezer door. You can check off the little "butter" box then and there and you won't have to wrack your brain for things you're missing and inevitably still forget the one thing you really needed once you're at the store. It's also amazing to have when you're hunting through the kitchen for a snack - you know you don't have what you're craving at that moment because that's just not how your life works. Voila, you jot it down on this checklist and remember to pick up whatever it is the next time you go shopping. You then just rip the sheet off the pad and take it with you to the grocery store, throw it out and start the process all over again.
This is a really stellar item for anyone but it will make even more of a difference depending on how many people you live with. Your roommate can check off that you're all out of string cheese once they polish off the last of yours - boom, you know it's gone before you even open the fridge. Does one person do all the shopping in your house? This will make their life a lot easier because they'll have a list compiled over the course of a week or more AND it will represent the needs of everyone in the family. Are you really smug? This is a perfect way to win arguments. If anyone complains that "you" forgot to buy milk just say, "Well, YOU forgot to put it on the list!" and smirk. It's the ultimate trump card.
This 60 sheet pad retails for $6 and comes in blue, red and pink. Holiday gift season is hot on our heels and I think this makes a great gift for college students, couples and the just plain forgetful.
November 1, 2013
Most As Seen On TV Items are pretty useless. We all know this. Some of the best comedy I've seen in months is that commercial for the Air Curler that just spins your hair around uselessly in a hunk of pink plastic and leaves you with a pathetic looking, frizzy curl. I once worked somewhere that sold the GenieBra and no lie, customers returned that more than any other product in the store and usually bitched about it throughout the whole transaction as if I was the one who told them it would be a good idea to buy underwear from a drugstore. Who really lives the kind of life that caters to infomercials? I have enough time to chop up vegetables without paying $19.95 plus shipping and handling for a gadget that will save me 2 minutes of work, thank you very much. I don't feel ashamed to admit it.
That being said, the best thing As Seen On TV has ever brought into the world (besides this compilation video) is the Turbie Twist. Initially, it seems like kind of a useless thing to spend money on. You already own towels (unless you're some kind of non consumerist weirdo, in which case what are you doing on my blog? Do you need assistance?) so why spend money on some gimmicky head towel?
I'm here to let you know you should buy that gimmicky head towel. First of all, wasting an extra towel on your hair is for hotel guests. Hotels even guilt you about that nowadays with those little cards they put in the bathroom that talk about wasting water and the environment and our planet's resources. Nowhere is safe anymore.
And honestly, putting a giant, bulky towel around your head sucks. It's something you do out of necessity despite how uncomfortable it makes you feel, like taking giant horse vitamins or trying on pants before you buy them. You have to kind of precariously balance a giant wad terrycloth on your head and constantly rewrap it every time it slumps over. I don't know about you but I last about 5 minutes with a towel on my head before I take it off out of frustration and let my long hair drip all over my t shirt instead.
Turbie Twists make my life so much easier. They're these cotton, teardrop shaped towel with a little elastic loop. Pretty straightforward - you put the circular part around your head, twist your hair up into the longer section and slip it behind your head through the elastic loop that sits at the nape of your neck. The loop locks the towel firmly in place so it doesn't constantly come undone like a regular towel always seems to do. The Turbie Twist is so snug against your head that you can even pull a t shirt over your head without disturbing it. You can bend over in these things and they'll stay in place. Do you realize what kind of freedom that gives you? It's a whole new world. Overall, the biggest bonus for me is that Turbie Twists are so lightweight and don't make me feel like my neck is going to snap under its weight. It's still super absorbant and actually dries my hair a lot better than a regular towel. That may be because I can actually sit for longer than the length of a TV commercial with a Turbie Twist on my head. My only gripe is that they're not long enough for my mid-back length hair but, hey, life isn't perfect.
I started out with one Turbie Twist and quickly bought 3 more - two white, one leopard print and one pink with white flowers. They make all kinds of colors and prints. It's well worth getting one for every day of the week at $6 each - less even, if you stick to the plain white ones. You'll be able to sit around in your towel or bathrobe for about triple the time you normally do with these little things around your head and you won't even have to throw an extra towel in the wash when you're done. Less than ten bucks - that's a good price to put on that level of blissful laziness.
I really recommend grabbing one of these the next time you're in the drugstore. They feel kind of weird to use initially but you'll get over it pretty fast and start packing them when you go on trips and wanting them to meet your parents and stuff. It will be a whirlwind romance and you'll never be able to go back to regular towels. Regular towels will be like your ex who seemed great at the time but then you realized he had a nasally laugh and wore body spray past the age of 17 and always acted like he was smarter than you. Turbie Twists are your new boyfriend who totally doesn't mind running out to get you a box of tampons and makes you breakfast in bed just because and you just sit there thinking about all the time you spent with your ex and what a waste it was and how awful it is that you once thought that he was the best you could do.
Or, Turbie Twists will definitely improve a minor portion of your everyday life. That's what As Seen On TV is supposed to do, right?