September 1, 2016

The List: July & August 2016

It feels cheap to give beauty recommendations for July and August. DC is notoriously humid and hot during the summer and this year is no exception. I have no idea why I chose to live in a place where it's uncomfortable just to stand outside for a handful of seconds. Beauty and just general socializing in un air-conditioned spaces kind of goes out the window. I'm just trying to get home at the end of the day without looking like I swam there.

Pink balcony selfie
Polish Pick
Butter London Disco Biscuit
Barbie blue pink jelly with suspended shimmer. Because what says summer more than that?

Haircare Hero
Biosilk 
which is slightly TOO intense for my thin, fine hair but is way preferable to frizziness.

Spa Indulgence
I've been getting pedicures frequently this summer because I've lost my youthful gung-ho, can-do attitude about pumicing my own feet. At 21 I'd get a starter pedicure in May and then would be like, "Hm, no thanks, I can handle it from here." At 25 I'd rather throw money at the problem than hunch over my bathtub trying to scrape off my dead cuticles. My salon is amazing in terms of a non NY/NJ area nail salon. They massage and exfoliate my feet and legs and whip out these grocery store bags filled with hot oil and wrap your feet in them to make them extra soft. Clearly I'm not going to a "spa" to get this done just judging by the grocery store bag part but I'm a firm believer in not going to a spa for your nail care. I want to go to a salon where if they offer hot oil treatments it's warmed up in a microwave and placed on your foot in a plastic Giant bag. Where if they offer wine, it's from a box. Don't overthink it and don't overpay for it.

Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb dry oil
Signature Scent
Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb Dry Oil
This is a new release and a welcome addition to my life. I've gotten rid of all my other perfumes long ago so it was nice to stay with my favorite scent but still feel like I was trying something new. This oil comes with a little stopper attached to it's screw on lid. You dab a little on your pressure points and then spray the perfume on top to extend the scent's life a bit. I like that it really seems to prolong the heavy bottom notes of Flowerbomb, the best part in my opinion. It's definitely no match for 10 hours in <60% humidity but that's a pretty heavy task so I don't fault it (too much). It makes the scent strong enough that I can actually smell it on myself during some parts of the day. I feel like that's a feat because I went nose blind to this smell long ago. I'm sure this would also be fun to test out and layer with other perfumes or body sprays to create new combinations.

Yes to Coconuts wipes

Ultimate Multitasker
Yes to Coconuts Face & Hand Cleansing Wipes
Perfect for:
  • delicately blotting your face
  • removing your makeup when you're "too tired" to go to the bathroom, you bum
  • wiping six inch strawberry ice cream drips off your 3 year old's hands
  • discreetly wiping under your armpits before you reapply deodorant when it's 97 degrees in your merciless swamp town
  • lending to a guy on the bus after he notices you have a very large, overstuffed handbag and asks you for a tissue to which you say, "Oh, I just have these wipes..." and he's like, "That's fine, thanks!" and you hand one over and say, "They smell like sunscreen because they're coconut scented, just so you know..." and he uses it and then spends the rest of his time on the bus making a big show of sniffing his hands and wiping them on his pants like you DIDN'T JUST TELL HIM THEY THESE WIPES SMELL LIKE COCONUTS. CARRY YOUR OWN LIFE SUPPLIES IF YOU HATE MINE SO MUCH, STRANGER.

Shel Silverstein it's hot poem D.C. humidity
Lash MVP
Anything waterproof
I feel the same way that Peggy Hill feels about Phoenix in re: to the DMV and the humidity. This city is a testament to man's ignorance. Humans are not meant to exist in July anywhere south of Delaware on the East coast. Mascara that isn't waterproof isn't meant to exist either.

Power Outfit
White jeans (Hudson) and fun shoes

Lady Dior bag handbag purse red Paris France rooftop
Timeless Essential
The Lady Dior bag
Light of my life, this bag. I had wanted this purse since high school, almost a full decade before it became mine in Paris last year. I literally cried when I got it. I don't even feel ashamed to admit that. I still want to cry almost every time I use it because it's so beautiful. I spent the longest time deciding on the color - in my bag fantasies it was always red but I'm indecisive to a fault. I went with what fifteen year old me would have wanted and I'm so happy I did. The red color is so rich and vibrant and beautiful. Fifteen year old me knocked it out of the park. Maybe I should just revert back to all of fifteen year old me's fashion whims and desires and wear Converse with Something Corporate lyrics written on them exclusively?

Manolo Blahnik slingback Cassia heels Hangisi Carrie Bradshaw Nordstrom Rack Clear the Rack
Cook Kicks
Manolo Blahnik slingback Cassia heels
I'M SO EXCITED TO BLOG ABOUT THIS.

This actually happened in June but WHATEVER.

I don't know how "in the know" you are about my beloved Nordstrom Rack but the best time to shop there, without a doubt, is during Clear the Rack. About every month or so Nordstrom Rack runs this event where they take an additional 25% off their clearance items - you shop around and if something has a red clearance tag it will ring up for 25% less than that listed price when you checkout. Clear the Racks are generally weekend affairs and will obviously get pretty bananas. Extra discounts are the theoretical chum here and the stores are swarmed from open to close depending on where you go.

So, I go to Clear the Rack in June, on a Sunday no less. It's the last day of the sale and I figure everything will be picked over and I'll be browsing over the carcasses. I'm cool with this because I figure in DC (land of wardrobes of exclusively "work appropriate" clothing) carcasses are things like impractical, trashy shoes and garish clothing aka things I would purchase for full price anyway. Who cares if all the marked down sensible Sam Edelman flats and St. John's blazers have been snapped up? So, I go and am browsing through the shoe section when I see THE most gorgeous shoes.
Manolo Blahnik slingback Cassia heels Hangisi Carrie Bradshaw Nordstrom Rack Clear the Rack
I feel the fact that they are the most gorgeous shoes is hardly even a debatable fact. They're instantly recognizable as Manolo Blahnik Hangisi's. For a fraction of a second I think that they must be knockoffs, maybe they're Badgley Mischka's or something. I'm not even in the designer shoe section, these shoes are in a Sam Edelman box shoved in among the Vince Camutos and Nikes. I pick them up and they're Manolo Blahnik's. Legitimate Manolos. They're silver and slingbacks and fucking beautiful. Like, Sex and the City is not really my generation or my thing in general but Carrie Bradshaw is an undeniable icon in terms of fashion and shoes. These are the ones they chose for her to be PROPOSED TO with and married in (albeit hers were blue and satiny and not slingbacks). These shoes are a cool thousand dollars. It's one of those things where I feel like it's borderline scandalizing that I've even holding these in my hands. I decide that I'm just going to try them on because they're obviously marked down to like $500 or something obscene and all I can ever hope for is to play dress up with them. I flip them over to check their size and I see it. They are $140.
Manolo Blahnik slingback Cassia heels Hangisi Carrie Bradshaw Nordstrom Rack Clear the Rack
ONE

HUNDRED

AND FOURTY

DOLLARS

AND THEY ARE RED TAGGED

THEY ARE ON CLEARANCE

THEY ARE AN ADDITIONAL 25% OFF

THEY ARE MANOLO BLAHNIKS

A VARIATION ON THE MOST ICONIC SHOE MANOLO BLAHNIK MAKES

SHOVED INTO A RANDOM SPOT IN THE SHOE SECTION IN A SAM EDELMAN BOX

AND THEY ARE

EFFECTIVELY

ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE DOLLARS.

So that's how I bought the shoes I will either be married or buried in, whichever comes first, for $105. Cool kicks indeed.

Kate spade glitter stud earrings
Jewelry Splurge
Kate Spade glitter studs
More like my non jewelry splurge - I picked these up for $7 and change from Nordstrom Rack. They still had the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale tags on them ($18 marked down from $30). Someone who doesn't realize that multicolored glitter goes with everything must have returned them.

H&M striped tee black white Moschino belt outfit
Secret Cheapie
This $10 black and white striped H&M tee

Go To Stationary
Almost anything from Old Town's Paper Source location

Corn on the cob lipstick mark
Delish Summer Dish
Corn on the cob
Particularly in these Crate & Barrel corn shaped dishes
Crate Barrel corn on the cob plates dishes

PokemonGo Daniel Tiger
App Obsession
Pokemon Go
This app has been ideal for nannying in Old Town, Alexandria. There's a Pokestop or a lure about every 20 feet. It's been like playing on easy mode. We had enough Magickarps to make that giant sea monster in a matter of 3 weeks. Above is probably my favorite name that one of my kiddos picked out.

We Need to Talk About Kevin Lionel Shriver what I'm reading
Currently Reading
Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin
Dude, I'm all about kids. I've been nannying and babysitting for over a decade. I have never questioned whether I want kids of my own. Until I read this book. Now I'm wondering if I should wait for a doctor's appointment to remove my uterus or if I should just go into the bathroom right now and do it with a box cutter or something. In case you don't know, it's about a mother who sort of reluctantly gives birth to a child, only to have him turn out to be a terrifying sociopath, a fact that no one but her believes until it's too late. One of the most creepy and horrifying things I have ever read. 

June 1, 2016

The List: May 2016

Shoe Essential
Steve Madden Metallic Sandals
I think these are called "Briiaa" or something. There are probably 2-7 extra vowels that I'm leaving out. Steve Madden always names their shoes like someone fell asleep on top of their computer keyboard.

Artist I Adore
Harry Sternberg
Whose fantastically creepy drawings and lithographs were on view at the San Diego art museum in April.

Juice Fix
Cranberry juice mixed with grapefruit juice. 
And some vodka. Wait, that's a Sea Breeze.

My Lip Pick
NYX Lip Lingerie
Run, do not walk, to pick up select colors from this line if you have olive skin. I need to do a more in depth post about these liquid lipsticks because a good 3/4 or so are solid hits with my skin tone.

Go To Work Out Look
lululemon high waisted Wunder Unders
(+whatever top I've found from H&M/Target/TJ Maxx for <$20, frizzy hair, dejected facial expression, Pure Barre sticky socks)

I've been doing barre for about 3 full months now. I KNOW. Me, exercising. I've always side eyed people who are like, "Just wait, I ended up CRAVING exercise, it makes me feel good and I'm disappointed if I can't go to the gym." Like, those have always been people who I've put on this mental list like, "Hmm, yup, Allison is definitely fucking weird and crazy, she has lost it." That is me now. I am addicted to going to barre. 

For anyone who doesn't know, barre classes are essentially Pilates classes, sans any machines and plus a ballet barre. I was kind of like the last hold out of my friends to do Pure Barre (some of whom are instructors or have been doing it for years and years). I finally succumbed to peer pressure and started a trial membership in March. Now I'm under a contract membership and go a minimum of 3-4 times a week. I am constantly the worst person in my classes, the sole person who cannot get their legs straight enough or do a tricep push up, but I don't even care.

I told myself when I started that I was NOT going to sink any money into it beyond the price of the classes (brutal) and that I was fully capable of doing everything in my cheap American Apparel leggings and non grippy socks, thank you very much. Like, "NO, I will not end up as a cog in this corporate scheme where I wear ludicrously overpriced leggings pulled down over my conformist black sticky socks like every other girl in this barre class, I will be the only girl here without an engagement ring or a OPI Bubble Bath gel manicure OR lululemon leggings, that is for damn sure!!" I'm really this insufferable in my head.

I think I lasted a single class without the socks and two weeks being that stubborn about the leggings which is impressive in retrospect. You're constantly bending over and having your instructor inspect your butt to see if you're squeezing the right muscles. Who wants to do that in potentially see through cotton leggings? I can almost guarantee that anyone who was standing behind me in my first two weeks of classes has intimate knowledge of what colors and styles my underpants are. lululemon's Wunder Unders are completely opaque and cover your whole leg. They are the sole brand of leggings that does this (and this comes not from me but from a friend who used to teach). AND - I've never understood the concept of push up bras because I'm chesty enough as is but I feel like I "get it" with these leggings. They're like a butt push up bra. Pro tip: buy the high waisted ones. My sole pair of non high waisted ones that I bought when I was not in the know are constantly rejected because they don't hold my stomach in as well, let's be blunt.

I have four pairs of these leggings and don't even casually wear cotton leggings any more. They're incredible and I understand why every woman in DC seemingly just exists in lululemon now.

Get Glowing Trick
My Beauty Diary sheet masks

Happy Place
On my balcony with an iced coffee 
I’m obsessedddddd with having a balcony. I’ve never had one in my entire life and I can tell I’m really uncool about my balcony in the context of the rest of my building. All of these people are OVER balconies. Balconies are not a new thing to them, I assume, because none of them ever use theirs. My window faces about 30 other balconies and out of those I see maybe 5 people who ever use their balcony, tops. One of those is just someone who probably has bad cell reception indoors because she’s only ever on the phone which I don’t feel counts as leisurely balcony time. There are people who aren’t even trying and just have those foldable sporting goods chairs instead of actual patio furniture, because that’s just how over the concept of balconies they are at this point in their lives. 


I really can’t believe that kind of cavalier attitude re: a balcony because this is something I have been wanting for so long. The closest I had ever gotten was a first floor fire escape in Boston which you couldn’t even use because it was in this shady alley way and people from the club next door (same one where Aaron Hernandez discussed murder details!) would stand out there and get into fights. Meth heads set up camp there literally a foot underneath my bedroom window one day and the police department was just like, “Eh, your dog should bark loudly if anyone tries to break in so that’s good at least.” So, not exactly a place to decorate with string lights and plants. 

The <400 square foot studio I lived in for two years in DC before moving to my current building was even worse. That studio apartment was like some kind of Groundhog Day bunker where every season ended up being virtually indistinguishable from the others. What kind of seasonal, celebratory things can you really do in that kind of space with zero dollars? The only way you could really tell it was summer was when my building would turn off the air conditioning units right at the beginning of September which was completely ludicrous. If you live in the DMV, you know that the city is a sweltering, humid mess all summer long and that the 80 degree days don’t end until mid October, if we’re lucky. THEY WOULD TURN OFF THE AIR CONDITIONING WITH AT LEAST A FULL MONTH OF SUMMER TEMPERATURES LEFT. It was unbearable. My boyfriend and I would literally not be able to cook for the entire month because the apartment was so hot and so tiny that the extra heat from the stove or oven would make it 10x worse. We would have to come home from work every night with Chipotle, keep all of the lights turned off and set up bowls of ice cubes in front of 4 different fans to try and cool down the apartment enough that it was comfortable enough to sleep in. That was summer in that apartment building. That was literally the defining aspect of summer in that building - not that it was time to go shopping for plants for the balcony or that you could walk 10 feet from your kitchen to the outside to sip your morning coffee. Just that it got grotesquely hot and that you had to dread the day that the building would send maintenance up to turn off your air conditioning. The end.

I cherish my balcony in May, truly. My happy place for sure.

Hair Color Hero
Elisha Barnett at Ian McCabe Studio in Foggy Bottom

Favorite Yoga Position
Child's pose
Because I essentially sleep in it.

Jeanius Denim Brand
Citizens of Humanity

Skincare Secret
Consistency
It's key, fam. You can read up on product recommendations and buy shit until you're unable to pay your rent and that void in your heart has been filled with all the products you can possibly need. But at the end of the day, you know your skin knows the difference between sticking to a routine and when you're really drunk on Friday and Saturday and fall into bed without taking your makeup off and then you feel really lazy Monday and you skip the exfoliating step and yadda yadda. 

Designer That Inspires Me
Alessandro Michele for Gucci

Jewelry Splurge
I bought this Marchesa hand jewelry for <$20 at Nordstrom Rack but it still counts as a splurge in my eyes because Marchesa.

Sunglasses I Practically Collect
Variations on the oversized, rounded, cat eye.
If you can't see your eyebrows, they're too big. My current favorite is Quay Australia's About Last Night (front) for adding a mirrored lens into the mix so I can stare haughtily at strangers without them knowing.
Side note: I bought these cake stands at Anthropologie and the medium size made for a perfect sunglasses tray.

Chic Housewarming Gift
Anthropologie Succulent Candles
I feel like candles are the perfect housewarming gift because they're a little fancy, thoughtful and low commitment for the recipient since they'll get used up in a month or so. Anthropologie has a handful of variations on these succulent candles, all with little removable lids and light, fresh scents. Think of how adorable they'd be for storage once the wax is all gone, too - always a bonus when buying candles with quirky containers.

Best Makeup Remover
Clinique Take the Day Off
The price tag for this is a bit jarring at $28 a tub (or bottle for the oil version) but I've timed each container I've purchased and I always get a solid six months use out of it. A drugstore option - say, the Neutrogena face wipes that come in a 25 count pack - ends up being just as much (a little more even) when you're throwing $5 at it every single month. I feel that this is way gentler on my skin anyway. The only downside is that it's a bit messy to use and leaves a weird film on your eyelashes in the minutes immediately after use.

Beauty Item I Buy In Bulk
Hair ties
Or, prime hunting targets to steal from their dish and hide under the living room rug if you're my cat.

On My Nightstand
I always have a little bowl of water on my nightstand because my cat sleeps all mushed up next to me with her butt in my face (as if she doesn't have a whole queen sized bed to lay on) right next to my nightstand. I like for her to be able to stand up in the middle of the night, get a little water for some refreshment and flop back down next to my head. This is the month that I broke down and went to Anthropologie (always with the Anthropologie) and bought specialized bowls for this purpose that match my bedroom.

April 22, 2016

The List: March 2016

I stole this survey from In Style's March 2016 magazine and likely will lift more in the coming months. I was the kind of person who reposted a survey in a bulletin every day back when MySpace was a thing. This is a kind of 2016 version of that.

Obviously, I'm in no way sponsored by In Style or anyone else for that matter. Sponsorships I would like though: Kraft Singles (I will promote THE FUCK out of you as the sole cheese that should ever be used in a grilled cheese, period), my second home TJ Maxx/Nordstrom Rack or the entire state of New Jersey. HMU.

West Elm book shelf bookcase nook styled
Major Splurge
West Elm's Nook Bookcases

Favorite Flowers
Peonies and hydragenas

YSL Rouge Volupte Silky Sensual Radiant Lipstick in #3
Always in my Bag
YSL Rouge Volupte Silky Sensual Radiant Lipstick in #3

Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Most Memorable Hotel
Palazzo Vechietti in Florence, Italy
This was not even a question that took any thought for me because I wanted to put down roots right in the hotel room. I could have become the Eloise of the Palazzo Vechietti.
My needs are few: Food (McDonald's chicken nuggets), Shelter (Palazzo Vechietti), Clothing (...Dior)
I took pictures of the ENTIRE HOTEL ROOM, like every god damn corner, because I wanted to remember the exact layout and structure. I feel pretty certain that I could live in that hotel room for the rest of my natural life. It was my dream studio apartment space.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Lavish, enormous bathroom with a roomy shower and an indulgent bathtub - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
 Lots of enclosed, hidden storage space - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Walk in closet with built ins - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
Itsy bitsy kitchen with just enough space to perform basic, non cooking tasks like warming up microwaveable meals and making cups of tea - check.
Palazzo Vechietti Florence Italy hotel room memorable
There's a huge bed, a couch, a table... what else do you need? Not to mention the bones of the place are a 16th century noble residence and the halls filled with things like wrought iron staircases and skylights and just a general You Are In A Movie aesthetic.

I live there in one of my Ideal Life Fantasies and just flit in and out all day, carrying in fresh flowers for the table from the market and new bags from the Dolce and Gabbana next door (THERE'S A DOLCE AND GABBANA. NEXT DOOR.) and walking <50 steps to the Piazza della Repubblica to meet up with an endless stream of Italian suitors for carb-y dinners. In this fantasy, as with all good fantasies, I have a very large income that comes from doing very little and a really great body even though I eat bread and cheese for every meal. I can also probably speak fluent Italian and have a very chic collection of Italian leather shoes but those details aren't totally hammered out yet.


DIY Makeup Hack
Put your eyelash curler inside your bra to warm it up before use for a more dramatic looking curl

Favorite Museum
Neue Galerie on 86th and 5th in New York 
It's located on the city's Museum Mile and is almost entirely filled with German and Austrian Expressionism which (if a gun was held to my head for an answer) is my favorite kind of art. It's usually a relatively quiet museum but had a line out the door during my most recent visit. I'm not sure if that had to do with this summer's Munch exhibit (fantastic) or the recent movie 'Woman in Gold' re: their collection's gem 'Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I' (above).

Even the museum itself is gorgeous - it's all inside this Louis XVIII style town home (read as: lavish, shiny black and white checkered floor, opulence abound) and most of the rooms have less of a gallery feel and more of a "I'm inside someone's actual house" feel - if it were a really, really rich someone's house.


I got these Klimt notebooks from the gift shop during my last visit which are almost too beautiful to sully up with any writing. Almost.

Steve Madden slip on sparkle sneakers
Always Pack
Slip on sneakers
Have you ever been through airport security in slip on sneakers? You probably have, you get it. I would say they make the whole process grotesquely easy but they don't whisper reminders to me about keeping liquids in <3oz containers out of my carry on luggage so I'm still always taking the time to get my bag inspected and my lotions thrown away by TSA agents. I'm obsessed with these Steve Madden slip ons, though. They're very well traveled because I wear them whenever I fly.
Steve Madden slip on sparkle sneakers

They've even been in the Pacific Ocean because I thought I could "forget" sneakers and prevent M from forcing me to go hiking when I visited her in San Diego - guess who ended up hiking in sparkly, rhinestone slip ons.
Steve Madden slip on sparkle sneakers

Michael Kors Camilla watch
Jewelry I Take Everywhere
Michael Kors' Camilla watch

Book I Never Tire Of
The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

Signature Scent 
Viktor and Rolf Flowerbomb
I tried out Tom Ford's Black Orchid for a full three days back in 2012 and forgot who I was, what I looked like, where I came from. I've been wearing this perfume since I was 20 and it's just a part of me now. You could put it as an identifying feature on my drivers license. 

Most Loved App
Snapchat
Have you guys heard of this cool new app yet?? Probably not!! I'm going to die if they ever get rid of that vinok filter.


Latest Discovery
Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara
I went to a heinous party the other month (direct quote from a girl after S put Britney’s Piece of Me on: “Oh my god, I just HAVE to change this, someone has terrible taste!” Like, what is it like to live in a world where you can never have fun?) and the only saving grace was that I asked a girl with AMAZING, ginormo, long and full eyelashes what kind of mascara she used. Too Faced Better Than Sex. It’s always Too Faced Better Than Sex when you ask someone that question. I bought Too Faced Better Than Sex so I could become the person who gets asked that question.

Style Icon
Aidriana La Cerva


Go To Lingerie Brand
Panache
I have just decided this very second that I fucking love Panache because I checked the labels of all my fave bras and they are literally all Panache. This survey is already revealing things that I didn't even know about myself.

You know that bra shopping is hell if you're bigger than a D cup because 97% of stores just straight up do not stock anything bigger than DD and even those bras looking like they're TRYING to be ugly. I don't have to tell you, you already know. Bra shopping is Mortal Enemy #1, even before button up shirts and cross body purses. Panache must have been founded by someone busty who Gets It and realizes that we have enough problems, what with trying to massage out all of our constant back knots and figuring out how to desexualize basic outfits for work, without worrying about bra shopping. Panache doesn't sell sizes smaller than a D cup on most of their retail sites and on top of that excels in making bras that don't look fugly or dowdy. They have lace and cute detailing and come in fun colors that aren't just sad muted tones + black/white/nude.


Their above line, Cleo by Panache, is especially cute. I own that red one but in a neon-y green which, as a color, is just unheard of for a G cup bra. They also make a sports bra that's universally recommended by people with fuller chests which is like the magnum opus of the bra world. Like, it has an underwire and adjustable straps and comes in actual sizes rather than XS-XL.
Panache 32g bras best lingerie brand
Their prices are kind of scary at ~$70 a pop per bra but that's life when you're rolling with a bigger size. Pro tip: Buy your bras from Nordstrom Rack if you're busty. I talk about my sick obsession with Nordstrom Rack all the time but it's amazing for bras outside the "NORMAL SIZES" range. I picked up two Panache bras last week for $18 each, marked down from the <$60 range, lacy and things that I'd absolutely buy full price. Like, not, "UGH, guess this will have to do" desperation buys. Nordstrom in general is a great place to find bigger bras and I generally just pick up a few during sales and never end up paying more than $45.

And if I can just toss this in? Size yourself. 

I wore a 34DD from the time my body finished creating my boobs until I was 24. The mind REELS over why bra sizes are marketed as a 32A-40DD only kind of deal and even more so over how we all just buy into it. WHAT THE FUCK? I always kind of knew deep down that my 34DD bras did not really fit but I felt powerless to do anything about it. Like, "Oh, this is definitely barely supporting me but also feels weirdly loose at the same time but guess this is just how the world works!" I don't even look back and feel bad about being that clueless because 80% of women aren't wearing the right size anyway. 

I don't even remember what made me so fed up that I measured myself accurately but I did one night using this calculator and came out with 32G after plugging all my measurements in. I told my boyfriend at the time and he literally laughed because that's not a size that sounds real. Any size outside of 32A - 40DD is either for pregnant women or made up for adult movies. I felt kind of like some kind of conspiracy theorist when I decided to go try on that size anyway. I distinctly remember feeling insanely self conscious when I walked into a Nordstrom and approached a salesgirl, thinking I was going to get laughed at for claiming to be that size. And she did - because she was like, "Uh, yeah, I can tell just looking at you in clothes as you stand before me that you are not a DD cup. At. All." She rounded up a bunch of 32G bras for me to try on and I left with three of them and almost in tears from happiness. I can't even tell you what a difference in feeling it is to go from wearing a bra that doesn't fit you to one that does. Your boobs are actually supported is the main thing and it's visible, even through clothes. Your posture looks better. You look thinner. Your back hurts a little less. It is magic. I urge you, if you have boobs, to use that calculator at the first possible opportunity and trust it. Even if you've always been a B cup and it's telling you you're a DD. Even if it's telling you your band size is a 28 and you have never heard of that band size outside of training bras. Just humor it and try on a few bras in that size. I'm an accurate bra size Truther at this point because it's so life changing.